¡Viva México!

From my Exchange Program Director:

You know you live or you've lived in Mexico when........  
   
-A wedding is at 8:00 p.m., you get there at 10:00 p.m. and nobody has arrived yet.  But then some Mexicans actually are prompt ... and it totally throws everything off.  Chweesh, I never know what to expect.
-You will often have lunch and dinner at the same restaurant on the same day... without actually leaving  
-You believe a shot of tequila cures everything.  
-You have more prescription drugs in your toiletry bag than Dr Simi does and you don't have an actual prescription for a single one.  
-You bring along small cans of chiles when traveling to Europe.  Do they not have chiles in Europe?
-Leaving the office at 5:00 p.m. means working a "half day".  
-Returning to the office after "la comida" on Friday means you're "un pinche gato".  
-You blame the traffic on the rich.  Well, it's true ...  the poor don't have cars!
-You blame the crime on the poor.  Well ... and the filthy rich corrupt politicians & police & narcos.
-You blame the PRI for almost everything else.  THIS is certain.
-You blame los "pinches gringos" for whatever's left.  I don't  call us pinches ... but it's true, the US does kinda take advantage of everyone.
-The word "Puente" means five-day weekend.  Who doesn't love long weekends?
-You enjoy drinking beer with lime, salt, ice, Tabasco sauce and still think it's the orange juice in the morning that gives you heartburn.  I haven't been brave enough to try the beer w/ tabasco sauce, but beer  DEF tastes better w/ lime, no?
-"Licenciado" is a proper name.  
-If you order the tacos and your friend orders the enchiladas, you're positive the waiter will get it backwards.  
-You go "pssssst" to catch a waiter's attention... in New York City.  It's really more of a "chei-chei" sound.
- You refer to "@" as "Arroba" but have no clue what it means.  
-You use the word "este" as a conversational filter... in English.  Since hearing my Mexican classmates say "este" and "osea" every other word ... I have recently become quite aware of how many fillers I use when speaking English.
-You say "Bueno" when answering a telephone... in English.  
-You say "Mande" when someone calls you...in English.  
-You keep on addressing good friends as barnyard animals. ("Buey" & "Cabron" are the animals most often employed).  
-You refer to a salesman as "maestro"... at Saks Fifth Avenue.  This one actually confuses me completely.
-You eat tacos, enchiladas, morcilla, moronga, and medula, but believe hamburgers are unhealthy.  SO  SO SO TRUE !!!  Tacos always seem healthier than pizza too.  But now, I think that's true ... don't you?
-When someone tells you "I'll call you," you assume that he won't.  ah. gotta love it.
-You know "a ver cuando nos vemos" actually means "I really don't care if I don't see you anytime soon".  
-"Tomorrow" means "not right now", "never", or "screw you."  YES.  Wow, I guess it's a pretty passive-agressive culture, eh?
-Calling in sick on Monday is proper behavior.  and Fridays ... no?
-You keep a 20-dollar bill taped to the back of your driver's license.  I should probably learn to do that.
-If you want 50 people to show up for your party, you invite 150.  
-You call an 80 year-old waiter "joven".  
-You call a twenty year-old waiter "viejo."  
-You call everyone else, "hermano", "mano", or "manito".  
-But you call your real brother, "pendejo."  
-You never refer to a friend's mother as simply "su madre", but always qualify by saying, "su señora madre", or "su querida madre", to avoid a misunderstanding which could get you a "madrazo"  Well, I think I'd just say "su mama" ... more endearing sounding.
-You profess, "como Mexico no hay dos", but secretly wish Mexico City was more like San Antonio.  
-You think the next "Sexenio" and "The President" always will be better... Maybe it's naivete, but yes, I do believe that the political system here has improved ... and is improving ...